Funny quotes

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter IX epigraph; the coal complaint follows the birth-and-funeral maxim in the Calendar sequence.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter VII epigraph; the cat-and-lie comparison is one of the Calendar aphorisms.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter XI epigraph; Twain presents the three-part compliment as a Calendar maxim about authors.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter XIX epigraph; a Calendar maxim paired with the good-example line.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter V epigraph; the cauliflower comparison appears as a Calendar maxim before the chapter.

Three Men in a Boat, Chapter I; the chemist says this after reading the doctor’s non-pharmaceutical prescription.

Knickerbocker's History of New York, Book I, Chapter II, Project Gutenberg #13042. Exact-witness review corrects the inherited broad Book I locator: the “mighty soap-bubbles” sentence closes the chapter’s comic survey of competing cosmogonic theories. It belongs to Diedrich Knickerbocker’s satirical pseudo-history and anti-pedantic rhetoric, not Irving rejecting science as a method.

Rip Van Winkle, Project Gutenberg #64636. The narrator applies this satirical and strongly gendered sentence to Dame Van Winkle during Rip’s unhappy marriage; it is period literary characterization, not a universal claim about women or relationships.

The Diverting History of John Gilpin, closing stanza, represented by Project Gutenberg #23753. This is comic narrator voice at the end of Cowper’s ballad, not a serious political statement despite the conventional “long live the king” flourish.

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 57; Mr. Bennet comments on the absurd rumour concerning Elizabeth and Darcy.

The Innocents Abroad (1869), Chapter XXIII. Twain jokes that the gentle reader will not know what a consummate ass he can become until going abroad while satirizing travelers who adopt foreign affectations. Verified against the scan-backed 1869 first edition; the line remains comic first-person travel narration, not a literal rule about every traveler.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1890 Lippincott magazine text, Chapter 2; Lord Henry states the temptation paradox while influencing Dorian in Basil Hallward’s garden.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Calendar epigraph before the chapter section in which the flea comparison appears.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891 edition, Chapter 4; third-person narration focalized through Lord Henry reflects that experience is the name people give to their mistakes.

Three Men in a Boat, Chapter XV; the narrator defends himself while arguing about how the rowing work should be divided.

Three Men in a Boat, Chapter I; after reading disease symptoms at the British Museum, the narrator concludes housemaid’s knee is the sole exception.

Through the Looking-Glass, Chapter V, “Wool and Water,” printed page 95 / scan leaf 115 in the fully validated 1872 Macmillan first-edition witness on Wikisource. The White Queen calls a memory that only works backwards “a poor sort of memory” while explaining the Looking-Glass world’s comic backwards logic. The line remains fictional character dialogue, not a claim about human memory science.

Human, All-Too-Human, Part I, aphorism 482, “Repeated Once More”; Helen Zimmern translation.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Calendar epigraph before the oyster-habits joke.

Three Men in a Boat, Chapter XV; this follows the narrator’s claim that work fascinates him because he can look at it for hours.

A Woman of No Importance, Act III; Lord Illingworth answers Gerald’s question about love with the romance/self-deception epigram. The exact catalog wording is supported by this play, not by The Picture of Dorian Gray.

When William Came, represented by Project Gutenberg #14540 from the 1914 John Lane edition. This is the narrator’s satirical aside about Herr von Kwarl; the digestion comparison is literary humor, not medical or psychological advice.

Northanger Abbey, in Henry Tilney’s conversation about reading novels.

Main Street, Project Gutenberg #543. The narrator gives this comic generalization immediately before Carol reacts angrily to Vida’s suggestion that she has not suffered; it is satirical fiction, not a psychological finding about every person.

Babbitt, Chapter VI, section I, Project Gutenberg #1156. The narrator says Babbitt has ‘enormous and poetic admiration’ but little understanding of mechanical devices while describing his fascination with consumer technology and technical-sounding language. This is satirical fictional characterization inside Lewis's critique of boosterism and middle-class modernity, not a factual judgment about technology users generally.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Calendar epigraph paired with the starving-dog comparison.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Calendar epigraph; the stock-market joke follows the reflection on disagreeable people.

Mary Crawford makes the remark while discussing motives and conduct in company.

The Innocents Abroad (1869), Chapter XXVIII. In the same closing Rome passage Twain says he has drifted for a hundred manuscript pages without knowing where to commence, turning the abundance of material into a joke about structure and authorship. Verified against the scan-backed 1869 first edition.

Wives and Daughters, Chapter LIV, “Molly Gibson’s Worth Is Discovered,” Project Gutenberg #4274. Mr. Gibson smiles at Cynthia after she returns because she heard Molly was ill and says that one may like foolish people for their folly better than wise people for wisdom. It is affectionate fictional dialogue about a specific act of care, not Gaskell’s general rule against wisdom.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter IV epigraph; a comic Calendar maxim rather than dialogue by a character in the chapter.

House Committee on the Judiciary woman-suffrage hearing, January 18, 1892. The Library of Congress preserves the official eight-page hearing pamphlet and confirms Anthony among its speakers; the exact interjection is reported in History of Woman Suffrage, Volume IV, edited by Susan B. Anthony and Ida Husted Harper and represented by Project Gutenberg #29870. Anthony makes the remark at the close of Lucy Stone’s argument while introducing Isabella Beecher Hooker. It is Anthony’s live speaker voice within a multi-speaker hearing.

Poor Richard’s Almanack; a comic maxim about hospitality, boundaries, and overstaying a welcome.

The Diary of a Nobody, Chapter I, April 6 entry; Project Gutenberg #1026. Pooter reports Borset the butterman’s sarcastic response after Pooter says that a City clerk can be a gentleman: Borset is glad to hear it and asks whether Pooter has ever met one. The retained line is reported fictional dialogue by Borset inside Pooter’s diary, not a statement by either Grossmith author.

“The Ransom of Red Chief,” represented in Project Gutenberg #1595. The first-person narrator introduces the kidnappers’ scheme with comic foreshadowing; the story satirizes their criminal plan rather than endorsing it.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter X epigraph; the mortality line is immediately followed by the anger maxim.

Opening sentence of Chapter 1; the narrator immediately signals the novel’s social irony.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Chapter V epigraph, introduced as a remark concerning upstarts in the Calendar sequence.

Three Men in a Boat, Chapter I; this sentence ends the British Museum self-diagnosis sequence.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891 edition, Chapter 1; Lord Henry tells Basil that he likes persons better than principles and extends the joke to people with no principles.

“Ode on the Death of a Favourite Cat, Drowned in a Tub of Gold Fishes,” represented in Project Gutenberg #11254. The poem is comic mock-moral verse about Horace Walpole’s cat Selima; the gendered eighteenth-century joke remains historical literary language rather than a modern claim about women.

The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, “On Being Idle”; the line follows the suggestion to stop talking and have a smoke.

“The Kiss,” 1895, represented by Wikisource. This is ironic narrator commentary on Nathalie’s calculated choices and disappointment; it is literary satire about desire, money and relationships rather than prescriptive relationship advice.

The Funeral; or, Grief à-la-Mode, represented in Project Gutenberg #55922, Campley speaking in the Covent Garden scene. The first edition was published in 1702 (dated publication in late 1701). This is satirical dramatic character speech, not Steele autobiographical testimony.

An Ideal Husband, Act III; Lord Goring tells Phipps “The only possible society is oneself” immediately before the lifelong-romance epigram. Verified against the public-domain Wikisource Act III transcription and Project Gutenberg #885; the line remains dandyish comic character speech rather than uncomplicated authorial doctrine.

Three Men in a Boat, packing episode; the narrator rejects Harris’s claim that he encourages Montmorency’s disruptive behavior.

Three Men in a Boat, Chapter I; the narrator explains why every patent-medicine advertisement convinces him he has the advertised disease.

The Diary of a Nobody, “Introduction by Mr. Pooter”; Project Gutenberg #1026. Charles Pooter asks why his diary should not be published even though he is not a “Somebody,” establishing the novel’s fictional self-important diarist before Chapter I begins. This is Pooter’s comic narrative voice, not autobiographical testimony by George or Weedon Grossmith.

Pudd’nhead Wilson, Calendar epigraph paired with the friendship maxim before the next narrative section.

The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow, “On Being in Love”; the narrator contrasts youthful shyness with the polished declarations of older men.